Yelp a sister out

Last night, a friend of mine who knows about my dire unemployment situation sent me an email with a link to my next job. The link he sent me says “Yelp is currently seeking a highly-motivated, cool, calm, collected, creative, jack of all trades (writing, marketing, events, PR) to serve as Phoenix Yelp's newest, brightest Community Manager...” If you’re not currently familiar with Yelp, you should be (and I’m only partly saying that because I want to get a job there, and there’s a chance that they will read this), so here’s a link.

I immediately registered and tried to create a witty profile for myself without sounding too cliché. This is not as easy as it sounds. Finally satisfied with my profile, which is littered with references to filet mignon, New Kids on the Block and HGTV, I set off to create my first review. Having just indulged in a delicious self-serve tub of frozen yogurt, it was a no-brainer to make this fine fro-yo establishment the subject of my first glowing review. I spewed out some complimentary comments about the budding franchise, and tried to make myself sound clever and informative… another tricky combination. How did my review turn out?  You tell me. Here's the link and my Yelp! profile.

I searched the website for other areas where I could add my expertise, quickly becoming addicted. I searched through the message boards and event listings, even adding an event which I thought fellow “Yelpers” would appreciate. This afternoon, I am getting a facial at a well known area spa (still broke, but I just happen to have purchased this little gem at a very reduced rate on Groupon months back when I was still a working gal), and you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be yelping all about it as soon as I get home.

I’m sure there will be several hundred people vying for this job. Again, many of whom, I’m sure I’ve either worked with or gone to school with. I’m also sure most will have far more impressing resumes than yours truly, and some will undoubtedly be armed with a ridiculously grandiose portfolio of published writing samples. And then there will be me, with a blog I just started two days ago and a couple measly posts on their site. But if nothing else, I am a person who believes in little signs from above, and yes, my friends, there happen to have been a couple. Here’s one, for example: while I didn’t exactly coin the phrase “Jack of all trades” (see job description above), I’ve been known to use it frequently…especially in job interviews.

Also, last night, the boyfriend and I decided to stroll around the shopping center while enjoying our frozen yogurt. After all, eating and walking is far better for you than eating while sitting on your fat butt…even if it is low fat, low cal, high flavor (man, I should have used that in my review!). A restaurant that we had been meaning to try but hadn’t gotten around to yet apparently had closed down sometime in the past couple weeks, and they were already gutting the place to make way for the new business. One thing they had failed to remove, which I had never noticed before: a sticker on the door that had the “Yelp!” logo, and said “Yelpers love us”. This was before I was aware of my new dream job waiting just around the corner.

Sign number 3: After writing my first review, I decided to take a look at the profile of the person who currently holds said dream job, and will possibly be my superior when I take over her position. Her most recent review? Of all of the business establishments in the Phoenix metropolitan area, she had written a review on a frozen yogurt shop. Albeit not the same one, but a fro-yo store nonetheless. And you know something else? She even referred to it as fro-yo. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I’ll take a good omen where I can get it these days.

So, soon enough I will be writing from Yelp’s local offices, or some trendy patio lunch spot with wi-fi, rather than sitting at home with the heat from my laptop making my legs sweat while my neighbor with his lifted truck drives by blaring Ice Cube’s “Today was a Good Day”. Because frankly, Mr Cube, when you’re sitting on your couch waiting for the unemployment check to come in, it’s simply not a good day. Even if momma cooked a breakfast with no hog.

As for plan B: I’m going to pick up my Avon starter kit today.

Avon Calling...

I haven't had the best luck when it comes to jobs. Ever since I graduated from college, I have had a string of "The Devil Wears Prada"-esque debacles (although far less glamorous). Most have left me wanting to write a best seller outlining the antics of my co-workers and superiors, but without a job, I can't afford the Adderall to control my ADD. So I figured I would write a blog. Short and sweet, and sometimes all over the place. Because I can do that.

I'm sure many people feel that they have been treated unfairly at work, and they are usually right. My last job was an HR nightmare for all nine of us who worked there... except the boss, because the lack of an HR department allowed him to discriminate and manipulate and yell at the top of his lungs at his employees. To call him a tyrant would be a compliment, because that would imply that he was smart enough to control people by choice. Rather, he was an unorganized manipulative child who would tell you to do one thing one day and yell at you for doing it the next. If you had a doctor's appointment, you would surely get the silent treatment. And God help you if you wanted to take a day off, no matter how much PTO you had accrued. He even told his sales staff that no one was to take any time off during the months of January, February or March. What?! Is that even legal? This is why he loved not having an HR department to report to.

Needless to say, I am no longer with that company. I should have seen this coming as soon as I told my boss that I needed sinus surgery, and would be out of commission for a week. I was fired. As was the last person who had my position. Actually, I was "let go", with the agreement that he would still call on me for contract work, because he thought I was such a creative individual, and he loved my work. So he said. And by "agreement", I mean verbal discussion. Part of his manipulation technique was making an effort to NEVER put anything in writing. Even in email. Especially in email. There were so many times I would email asking for specifics about a project, and he would not reply. Even when I requested a read receipt with every email I sent him, he would just click on the little X in the top right of the request box, leaving me guessing. Great boss, huh?

Now, here I am over a month later in an economy which everyone swears is picking up, and I still have no job. My job searches are turning up either the jobs that nobody wants, or the ones that sound awesome, and everyone I have ever worked with or gone to school with is applying for. I'm lucky if my resume is even read among the hundreds that are received. I try to tailor each cover letter to specific positions, but there are only so many ways to express how creative, organized and self disciplined I am (and that's only half true). I am considering retail, becoming a nanny, and I even applied to sell Avon today (Yes, apparently you have to apply. They don't let just anyone hock their goods).

Ohh, as I'm writing I just got a response from Avon. They said someone will be contacting me soon, or if I'm so inclined, I can contact them first. Is this a test of self-motivation? This blog just might end up being my own personal Avon boutique...and the best part? I could be my own boss, and I won't have to read a book like this!